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playing hangman and using dirty words :)
The real danger of chewing gum at school isn't being caught by your teachers, its being caught by your friends
Hey Google, why don't you sit next to me during my exam? ;)
I hate it when someone mentions the name of the person I no longer wish to remember
Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face.
i look at my best friend and think: 'why the F*ck do i love this retard?!'
That awkward moment when it's your birthday, and people are singing happy birthday to you, and you just stand there clueless of what to do.
Spoon me t'F*ck!!
The sweetest thing a boyfriend can say to his girl:
"The next girl I will ever love on this Earth, will be our DAUGHTER." (:
One day i will actually hit you.
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girl walks into restroom full of men
girl: sorry! wrong room!
man: no you're in the right place
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I'm actually not that funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking...
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Sometimes I get depressed, then I remember I have a great ass and its all ok :)
Oh you talk to me now?
Justin Bieber: hey dad i just had my first time having s*x....
Dad: really?? thats awesome son!! any questions??
Justin Bieber: yeah, when will my ass stop hurting??
Dad:.......................
There is a "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, and an "if" in life. And after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W.T.F.
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I WANT TO GO ON THE TOTAL WIPEOUT COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seeing a status that is blatantly aimed at you and liking it
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That awkward moment when you sleep at your friends house and wake up before them, and all u can do is stare round their room for an hour or 2 til they wake up ........
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You know you love someone when you know you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you are not a part of it.
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"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second" - Johnny Depp
If monday was a person, I'd slap it.
A single text can change my mood at any moment.
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