boy:life doesn't make sense girl:why? boy:i like...(See More)

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boy:life doesn't make sense girl:why? boy:i like a girl but she'll say no girl: call her up and ask her out boy:ok dials... vibrate vibrate girl:hello? boy:will u go out with me girl:HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER! fine but i want know how u got my number in her mind what a stalker

Me: Can I use the bathroom? Teacher: I don't know, can you? Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom? Teacher: ...

a black man walks to a bar. a white man says: "colored people are not allowed in here." the black man says: "when i'm born i'm black; when i'm cold i'm black; when i'm sick i'm black and when i'm dead i'm black! but when you're born you're pink; when you're cold you're blue; when you're sick you're green and when you're dead you're purple! yet you have the nerve to call me colored?!"
like it, if you are AGAINST RACISM

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second" - Johnny Depp

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.

Oh your dating my ex? Cool. Im eating a sandwhich.... You want those leftovers too?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DOWN THE WATER SPOUT TO THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE WATER SYSTEM THERE YOULL FIND A LITTLE ALLIGATOR WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF ALFRED IF YOU DO HES MINE. I LOST HIM. I THREW HIM DOWN THE WATER SPOUT AND NOW IM FEELING LONELY CUZ HES GONE. I MISS HIM.

Showers aren't just for cleaning, and some people don't go in just for cleaning.... It's for...
A place thinking about life...
A place when your depressed...
A place to sing without getting embarrassed...
A place for alone time...
A place to get warmth...
Showers are amazing.

Having a wank with the door open, because you're a fearless Ba***rd.

ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend run into each other
boy:hey! listen, i really miss you
girl:*sneezes*
boy:bless you , are you sick?
girl:no, i'm just allergic to bulllSh*t.

It's not that I hate you.. it's just, put it this way. if you were on fire and i had water, i'd drink it.

At school we used to sing "Gooooooooooood morninggggggggg teacher.......".......when she said to sit again "Thanqqqqqqqqqqqq teacherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........".......:p

Bad weather + No school= Everyone on Facebook

When you know you like someone and everything seems to be going well... then it all c**ks up :/

Dr Stephen Brown From Derry, N.Ireland

Opinions are like kittens im just giving em away..

I don't know what we're.Sometimes I feel like we're friends,sometimes I feel like we're more then friends,but sometimes I feel like I'm just a stranger to you.

Spelling things correctly.

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If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don't start the conversation, we wont talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I?

What do you call a guy who makes jokes about girls being in the kitchen? Single.

The awarkerd moment when your friend has a cup of milk an you ''say is that tea not to milkey or is it not to cold'' an your friend says its milk!''

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That moment when your parents tell you to stay in the line when you’re shopping, and when you’re almost near the cashier, they’re not even back yet, so you start freaking out.

"Dude, wanna hang out?"
"Nah, hanging out with my girl man."
"What happened to bros before hoes?"
"That rule still goes, but it's just that she ain't a hoe."

if your still standing, you haven't drunk enough.

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Dude, Calm down. It's only P.E, not the Olympics.

I'm just a typical teenager?
I have a messy room.
I am moody.
I have fallouts/arguments.
I swear.
I moan most of the time.
I spend most of my time on my laptop.
I have private things on my phone.
I go to bed late.
So mum and dad.. deal with it.

the 4 biggest lies ever told:
1) I'm fine
2)Seriously, I don't like anyone
3) I swear that was my last piece of gum.
4) I have read and i agree to the Terms & Conditions

So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and s*xy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how F*cking cool is that for someone her age?