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Why does a newspaper look more interesting when someone over the table is reading it? O.o
Do you want to know what my problem is? I will tell you what my problem is…
i love you. I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your
gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I
love the sound of your laugh, i love the way you get mad, i love the
way i dont understand you at all. I love the way I can be having the
worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I
love how when you touch me I get weak,
thats my problem...
"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second" - Johnny Depp
3 yrs old "Mommy, I love you."
13 yrs old "Mom, whatever!"
16 yrs old: "My mom is so annoying!"
18 yrs old "I wanna leave this house."
25 yrs old: "Mom, you were right"
30 yrs old "I want to go back to my Mom's house".
50 yrs old: "I don't want to lose my mom."
70 yrs old: "I would give up EVERYTHING for my mom to be here.....with me."
You only have 1 mom.
Like this if you appreciate
& love your mom!
be careful who you open up to. only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
i look at my best friend and think: 'why the F*ck do i love this retard?!'
waking up after a night out and realising you've ruined your life
In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30.
What do you call a guy who makes jokes about girls being in the kitchen? Single.
Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.
Oh your dating my ex? Cool. Im eating a sandwhich.... You want those leftovers too?
sometimes i wonder if my parents look at me and think 'oh my god, my child is a retard'
My girlfriend phoned me and said "Hey, wanna come over cuz no one is home. :D" So I went over and rang the door bell. She answered, so I broke up with her for lying to me.
Like if you get it.
Hey Google, why don't you sit next to me during my exam? ;)
Like this if you know...
-A really nice redhead
-A really smart blonde
-A really cool person with glasses
-A person who eats a TON but is skinny
-A person who is going through a really hard time but still tries to be happy...
a black man walks to a bar. a white man says: "colored people are not allowed in here." the black man says: "when i'm born i'm black; when i'm cold i'm black; when i'm sick i'm black and when i'm dead i'm black! but when you're born you're pink; when you're cold you're blue; when you're sick you're green and when you're dead you're purple! yet you have the nerve to call me colored?!"
like it, if you are AGAINST RACISM
That moment when your parents tell you to stay in the line when you’re shopping, and when you’re almost near the cashier, they’re not even back yet, so you start freaking out.
Seeing a status that is blatantly aimed at you and liking it
Those we love don't go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed.
I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle."
ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend run into each other
boy:hey! listen, i really miss you
girl:*sneezes*
boy:bless you , are you sick?
girl:no, i'm just allergic to bulllSh*t.
Dear Parents. Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. You can't blame us. We were taught to rebel since a young age.
Little Boy Disturbs His Mum And Dad Having s*x Mum Was On Top, Little Boy Asks 'Mum What Are You Doing' His Mum Replies 'Dad Has A Big Belly So I Get On Top To Flatten It' Little Boy Replies 'Well Your Wasting Your Time Cos Whenever You go Shopping The Lady Next Door Gets On Her Knees And Blows It Back Up Again
Like If You Get It
I hate it when someone mentions the name of the person I no longer wish to remember
Guy: Want to hear a joke about my c**k? Never mind, its too long.
Girl: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you won't get it.
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(Content removed due to TOS violation)
I'm one of those people who just goes around liking stuff on Facebook when im bored.
The sweetest thing a boyfriend can say to his girl:
"The next girl I will ever love on this Earth, will be our DAUGHTER." (:
That awkward moment when you sleep at your friends house and wake up before them, and all u can do is stare round their room for an hour or 2 til they wake up ........
That awkward moment when someone dosent understand your sarcasim /:
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