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waking up after a night out and realising you've ruined your life
so they finally found out how much coke charlie sheen had... ...apparently it was enough to kill two and a half men
3 yrs old "Mommy, I love you."
13 yrs old "Mom, whatever!"
16 yrs old: "My mom is so annoying!"
18 yrs old "I wanna leave this house."
25 yrs old: "Mom, you were right"
30 yrs old "I want to go back to my Mom's house".
50 yrs old: "I don't want to lose my mom."
70 yrs old: "I would give up EVERYTHING for my mom to be here.....with me."
You only have 1 mom.
Like this if you appreciate
& love your mom!
I hate it when someone mentions the name of the person I no longer wish to remember
i look at my best friend and think: 'why the F*ck do i love this retard?!'
Hey Google, why don't you sit next to me during my exam? ;)
That awkward moment when it's your birthday, and people are singing happy birthday to you, and you just stand there clueless of what to do.
The sweetest thing a boyfriend can say to his girl:
"The next girl I will ever love on this Earth, will be our DAUGHTER." (:
Spoon me t'F*ck!!
Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face.
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That awkward moment when you sleep at your friends house and wake up before them, and all u can do is stare round their room for an hour or 2 til they wake up ........
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I'm actually not that funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking...
Girl says: Ok im having my operation
Boy says : (nothing)
Girl lays on operating bed
-
Boy stands there with watery eyes without saying i love you
...Girl finishes heart transplant, the boy is gone
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Girl says: Mum, where is he?
Mum says: They didn't tell you whos heart they gave you, didn't they?
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Seeing a status that is blatantly aimed at you and liking it
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girl walks into restroom full of men
girl: sorry! wrong room!
man: no you're in the right place
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I have Big Boobs,
I am amazing at Call of Duty,
and I can make a really good sandwich,
Unfortunately I am a guy....
You know you love someone when you know you want them to be happy, even if their happiness means that you are not a part of it.
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Mom: Hey honey! I got a Facebook! Now I can message you and be your best bud!!!!!!!!
You: Mom, you got a Facebook!?!?! WTF!??!!
Mom: What does 'WTF' mean?
You: Oh... it means "Welcome To Facebook..."
If you ignore me, I will ignore you. If you don't start the conversation, we wont talk. If you don't put in the effort, why should I?
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"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second" - Johnny Depp
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